Warning: If you want to see the movie, don't read this.
So, I kind of feel like the only person in my news feed on Facebook who doesn't have some synonym of the word "awesome" followed by several hundred exclamation points to describe the Harry Potter movie. And I feel like a cynical, horrible person for this.
Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie. The first 100 minutes of it, at least. But then . . . I don't know. Was I expecting the illustrated version of Harry Potter and that's why I'm disappointed? Well, maybe. It's just such an epic ending. Full of Christian themes and triumphant battles even after they thought Harry was dead and gripping conversations between Voldemort and Harry.
Whereas this, well . . .
HARRY: I'm at King's Cross. But it's clean.
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, that's nice. Well, I've got to go now.
HARRY: Wait! So Snape's patronus was a doe? So was my mother's! Isn't that a bit . . . odd to you?
DUMBLEDORE: That's a really lame question. Didn't you want to know, for example, why you're not dead? Or learn why Aberforth had a grudge against me? Or why I don't have the ponytail in my beard right now? Um, yes. Snape has a doe for a patronus. No, that's not weird. I'm outta here!
Later
VOLDEMORT: (laughing) Harry Potter is dead!!!
NEVILLE: No he's not! He's alive in here! (points to his torso).
VOLDEMORT: In your stomach?
NEVILLE: No! In my heart! In all of our hearts! So what if he died? We can still fight you. He wasn't that good, anyway.
(murmurs of approval from the crowd)
HARRY (Pretending to be dead in Hagrid's arms): (thinking) Okay, this is getting out of hand. Hagrid's not even crying! The only one who cried was Ginny. That's it. I'm rolling out of Hagrid's arms this minute and putting these people in motion.
NEVILLE: Hey, a sword!
HARRY (to Voldemort): Tag, you're it!
A great chase scene ensues between the two. During the chase scene Voldemort hangs Harry, but he lives and manages to escape.
HARRY: Let's finish this how we started it. Together.
VOLDEMORT: What does that even meeaaaan (starts falling with Harry)
HARRY: Well, he's no Firebolt, but he'll do.
They land on the ground and pick up their wands in what should be an epic duel, or at least a gripping conversation. Instead,
VOLDEMORT: Avada ke--
HARRY: Care bear stare!
Together, they build us a rainbow of red and green.
HARRY: (thinking) Since when have I been able to duel with Voldemort? He must be overrated.
VOLDEMORT: (thinking) I knew I shouldn't have gotten the Elder Wand from that Blue Light Special! Why did I leave my other wand at home?
Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .
HERMIONE: I don't like snakes! And I'm not very good at blasting them to pieces! Why didn't Neville kill this snake 10 minutes ago? Why didn't Harry tell Neville to kill this snake instead of breaking our hearts when he left to go into the forbidden forest?
RON: Because we had to make this cooler than any Indiana Jones movie! Blimey, I hate snakes too. Oh no, it's cornered us!
NEVILLE: Don't worry, I'll have my moment. I've got to make the ladies cheer! (slices the head of the snake off right when it's about to eat Hermione and Ron.)
Harry comes back in.
HARRY: So, no big deal, but I just killed Voldemort. At first I wasn't sure, but then my care bear stare overpowered his avada kedavra, so I guess that means it hit him. It took him a few minutes to disintegrate, but I'm pretty sure he's gone now.
EVERYONE ELSE: Oh, that's nice. But we want hot cocoa for breakfast so don't bother us.
Later
HARRY: Surprise! I'm the master of the Elder Wand! It's me.
RON: So what are you going to do?
HARRY: I'm going to snap this millennium-old twig in two and toss it into the lake.
HERMIONE: Wait! You won't have any wands after this besides Malfoy's, which you really should return! Can't you at least use this wand to fix your other wand?
Harry snaps the wand in two and throws it as if he didn't hear Hermione
RON: dumbstruck
And then there was the epilogue. My biggest complaint with that was that Harry's parents looked older when they were killed at the age of 21 than Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and Malfoy did at the age of 36-37. But now I'm just nitpicking.
Anyway, the rest of the movie was great! I guess I just had such high hopes for the ending when I should have realized that since it was a Harry Potter movie, it had to mess important things up. Now that I know this, I should be more okay with it the next time I see it.
I'm going to go have some hot cocoa for breakfast now.
So, I kind of feel like the only person in my news feed on Facebook who doesn't have some synonym of the word "awesome" followed by several hundred exclamation points to describe the Harry Potter movie. And I feel like a cynical, horrible person for this.
Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie. The first 100 minutes of it, at least. But then . . . I don't know. Was I expecting the illustrated version of Harry Potter and that's why I'm disappointed? Well, maybe. It's just such an epic ending. Full of Christian themes and triumphant battles even after they thought Harry was dead and gripping conversations between Voldemort and Harry.
Whereas this, well . . .
HARRY: I'm at King's Cross. But it's clean.
DUMBLEDORE: Oh, that's nice. Well, I've got to go now.
HARRY: Wait! So Snape's patronus was a doe? So was my mother's! Isn't that a bit . . . odd to you?
DUMBLEDORE: That's a really lame question. Didn't you want to know, for example, why you're not dead? Or learn why Aberforth had a grudge against me? Or why I don't have the ponytail in my beard right now? Um, yes. Snape has a doe for a patronus. No, that's not weird. I'm outta here!
Later
VOLDEMORT: (laughing) Harry Potter is dead!!!
NEVILLE: No he's not! He's alive in here! (points to his torso).
VOLDEMORT: In your stomach?
NEVILLE: No! In my heart! In all of our hearts! So what if he died? We can still fight you. He wasn't that good, anyway.
(murmurs of approval from the crowd)
HARRY (Pretending to be dead in Hagrid's arms): (thinking) Okay, this is getting out of hand. Hagrid's not even crying! The only one who cried was Ginny. That's it. I'm rolling out of Hagrid's arms this minute and putting these people in motion.
NEVILLE: Hey, a sword!
HARRY (to Voldemort): Tag, you're it!
A great chase scene ensues between the two. During the chase scene Voldemort hangs Harry, but he lives and manages to escape.
HARRY: Let's finish this how we started it. Together.
VOLDEMORT: What does that even meeaaaan (starts falling with Harry)
HARRY: Well, he's no Firebolt, but he'll do.
They land on the ground and pick up their wands in what should be an epic duel, or at least a gripping conversation. Instead,
VOLDEMORT: Avada ke--
HARRY: Care bear stare!
Together, they build us a rainbow of red and green.
HARRY: (thinking) Since when have I been able to duel with Voldemort? He must be overrated.
VOLDEMORT: (thinking) I knew I shouldn't have gotten the Elder Wand from that Blue Light Special! Why did I leave my other wand at home?
Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .
HERMIONE: I don't like snakes! And I'm not very good at blasting them to pieces! Why didn't Neville kill this snake 10 minutes ago? Why didn't Harry tell Neville to kill this snake instead of breaking our hearts when he left to go into the forbidden forest?
RON: Because we had to make this cooler than any Indiana Jones movie! Blimey, I hate snakes too. Oh no, it's cornered us!
NEVILLE: Don't worry, I'll have my moment. I've got to make the ladies cheer! (slices the head of the snake off right when it's about to eat Hermione and Ron.)
Harry comes back in.
HARRY: So, no big deal, but I just killed Voldemort. At first I wasn't sure, but then my care bear stare overpowered his avada kedavra, so I guess that means it hit him. It took him a few minutes to disintegrate, but I'm pretty sure he's gone now.
EVERYONE ELSE: Oh, that's nice. But we want hot cocoa for breakfast so don't bother us.
Later
HARRY: Surprise! I'm the master of the Elder Wand! It's me.
RON: So what are you going to do?
HARRY: I'm going to snap this millennium-old twig in two and toss it into the lake.
HERMIONE: Wait! You won't have any wands after this besides Malfoy's, which you really should return! Can't you at least use this wand to fix your other wand?
Harry snaps the wand in two and throws it as if he didn't hear Hermione
RON: dumbstruck
And then there was the epilogue. My biggest complaint with that was that Harry's parents looked older when they were killed at the age of 21 than Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and Malfoy did at the age of 36-37. But now I'm just nitpicking.
Anyway, the rest of the movie was great! I guess I just had such high hopes for the ending when I should have realized that since it was a Harry Potter movie, it had to mess important things up. Now that I know this, I should be more okay with it the next time I see it.
I'm going to go have some hot cocoa for breakfast now.
haha! This is too funny. We haven't seen the movie yet, and probably won't for a while, but this has been our opinion of a lot of the movies, so I'm sure we'll agree with you. It's too bad eh?
ReplyDeletethis is great! and how I felt exactly! hahaha
ReplyDeleteBrilliantly written!
ReplyDeleteOMG I died laughing at the epilogue. Ginny perpetually looks like a 12 year old...so she's not the best person to have to turn into a 35-year-old. With Hermione, it's like they didn't even attempt to age her at all! Only the guys looked reasonably convincing.
ReplyDeleteI also agree about the ending. Kings Cross was creepy and uninformative, and the whole Harry-coming-back-to-life thing was pretty anti-climatic.
Loved the part about Snape though... I thought that was well-done. And over all, I really probably enjoyed this movie best of all of them.
Kyra, this is spot on. And so funny. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, where was the "Percy Reunion" scene? oh well. I'll just go re-read the book. :)
Oh My goodness this was the funniest thing ever! Why didn't we watch this together? Oh wait we did...why didn't we talk about this while we watched?!
ReplyDeleteGood synopsis and analysis, Kyra! I'm glad the kids told me to see the movie before reading your post, though.
ReplyDelete