I've been feeling rather alphabetical lately. Perhaps it's because Kevin's 26th birthday is coming up, and there are 26 letters in the alphabet (incidentally, does anyone know any alphabet-themed games which are age-appropriate for 26-year-olds?). Perhaps it's because I've been trying to find picture books to add to our library using this link from my sister-in-law Margaret, and the first page is all alphabet books (though I didn't see one of my favorites on there . . . does anyone remember the alphabet book where animals are the main characters and a carpenter makes all the letters in the school playground, but he runs out of lumber and takes apart his house for the final letters?).
At any rate, the alphabet has been on my mind to the extent that something that should have been eternally suppressed has now re-entered my memory.
Uncle Shelby's ABZ's.
Why did we own that book? Why was it with our other picture books? There were so many problems with that book. First of all, it's ABC not ABZ. He skipped letters and mixed them up, so it wasn't even educational. And then what the letters stood for . . . there was L for Lye. I learned that if you dumped lye down the toilet and told your mom you ate it all, then they would pump your stomach and you could get a free lollipop. I learned about Ernie who lives in the ceiling and loves it when you throw eggs to him. I learned that V was for voodoo doll, and that you should never make an Uncle Shelby voodoo doll.
If I had been an adult when I had first read this, I probably would have found it hilarious. Instead it just cements my fear of Shel Silverstein.
Yes, it gets worse. Worse than Uncle Shelby's ABZs.
The Giving Tree.
Oh, sure, the story itself wasn't all that scary, if you don't find extortion of innocent trees by ugly boys too scary. I'm sure there was a good message in there, maybe.
But what I remember most about the book is still the back cover. Every time I think about it, the theme from Psycho starts playing in my mind.
See what I mean? Uncle Shelby is scary beyond all reason! No wonder that in one of those Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, he says that his parents were able to scare him into staying in bed at night, otherwise the man from the back cover of the Giving Tree would get him. That would have worked for me, too.
Every time I read the book, I did my best not to ever see the back cover. But sometimes when putting the book away I would forget and then
At any rate, the alphabet has been on my mind to the extent that something that should have been eternally suppressed has now re-entered my memory.
Uncle Shelby's ABZ's.
Why did we own that book? Why was it with our other picture books? There were so many problems with that book. First of all, it's ABC not ABZ. He skipped letters and mixed them up, so it wasn't even educational. And then what the letters stood for . . . there was L for Lye. I learned that if you dumped lye down the toilet and told your mom you ate it all, then they would pump your stomach and you could get a free lollipop. I learned about Ernie who lives in the ceiling and loves it when you throw eggs to him. I learned that V was for voodoo doll, and that you should never make an Uncle Shelby voodoo doll.
If I had been an adult when I had first read this, I probably would have found it hilarious. Instead it just cements my fear of Shel Silverstein.
Yes, it gets worse. Worse than Uncle Shelby's ABZs.
The Giving Tree.
Oh, sure, the story itself wasn't all that scary, if you don't find extortion of innocent trees by ugly boys too scary. I'm sure there was a good message in there, maybe.
But what I remember most about the book is still the back cover. Every time I think about it, the theme from Psycho starts playing in my mind.
See what I mean? Uncle Shelby is scary beyond all reason! No wonder that in one of those Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, he says that his parents were able to scare him into staying in bed at night, otherwise the man from the back cover of the Giving Tree would get him. That would have worked for me, too.
Every time I read the book, I did my best not to ever see the back cover. But sometimes when putting the book away I would forget and then
 |
| AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! |
I think any psychiatric problems I may have in the future can probably be traced back to this man. Him or Roald Dahl. Don't get me started on him, too.
I've always wondered whose idea it was to put such a terrifying picture on a children's book. Riley ripped the cover off of our copy of The Giving Tree, I think out was out of fear, or maybe because for a while there he ripped up everything.
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