Dinosaurs are the worst things ever

The title says it all, but I guess people might want to know why.

And before I continue, I suppose I should make a few disclaimers. Dinosaurs are the worst things ever, but things change when you have a toddler. As in, the museums are much better because you get pictures like this:

and this

You can also get decent family pictures at dinosaur museums, which proves that they aren't entirely the worst.

We are smiling, after all.

As a side note, I think my parents once tried to take us to this museum in Vernal, and I think I sat out in the car the entire time. I think once they realized the museum was full of dinosaurs, they realized it wasn't worth it because they weren't gone that long. (This is also about the age where I sat in the car when we went to Arches and had the chance to hike up to Delicate Arch and didn't want to because a) we had already done a lot of hiking and b) Delicate Arch was already on lots of license plates, so why see it in person?)

Also, although books about dinosaurs are almost the worst things ever, if your kid consistently chooses those ones at the library, then you just have to decide that literacy is more important than proper opinions about dinosaurs. That or hide the books.

In general though, dinosaurs are the worst things ever. All these people are so excited to see Jurassic World and I'm just baffled. Why would you want to see yet another movie where people get eaten by dinosaurs?

I dunno, maybe I was too young when I saw Jurassic Park. I was only the impressionable age of 19, after all, and even at that age I could tell there was something wrong with a world where people thought it was a good idea to bring back dinosaurs. Especially when they let the dinosaurs into the kitchen. That was a really, really bad idea. Honestly, the only good thing that came from this movie was the story my AP Bio teacher would tell about his father-in-law Don Burge who discovered the raptor that starred in the film, and he picked up Steven Spielberg from the airport in a dusty old truck to go show him the bones. If the story had ended there, without the movie being made, that probably would have been okay. Fewer dinosaurs in our lives.

But people seem to disagree with me! So allow me to enlighten all of you as to why dinosaurs are the worst things ever.

10. They eat people. Straight out of their cars.
9. I spent most of school learning that dinosaurs were cold-blooded, and then I learned in high school that they were actually warm-blooded. I asked how long people had known that and my teacher said since the 70s. So I was getting fed inaccurate information all along. Why was I even learning about dinosaurs, come to think of it? Also, how would they even know? (Incidentally, I just googled it, and the consensus is still out as to warm or cold blood. Take that, science in schools.)
8. For some reason, if you ever mention a brontosaurus people correct you. Because a rose by any other name is just unacceptable.
7. Most of the names are hard to pronounce. How can books full of words like that really promote literacy?
6. Birds are so much better. (And don't try to tell me that birds are dinosaurs. I already discussed that for several bus rides home in middle school.)
5. Land Before Time sequels exist because of them.
4. They ruined Fantasia, and also Stravinsky.
3. At my school, 2nd graders got to go to the dinosaur park in Ogden. But I skipped 2nd grade, so I never saw them, and people rubbed it in. Which shows they weren't really that cool to start with.
2. Fossil fuels smell bad.
1. Littlefoot's mom dies.

So, save your money this weekend. If you want to see a movie about big animals, watch something about elephants.