Needed

Since my son's birthday a few weeks ago, I've been cutting back on nursing quite a bit. While we still have the occasional night where he wakes up repeatedly wanting to eat and eat and eat (ugh teething), during the day he is mostly weaned.

Each time I've weaned a baby, I've noticed myself struggling with a feeling of uselessness. There is something satisfying for me in being needed for my baby's nourishment, and to lose that affects every area of life. You combine that with living (albeit temporarily) with parents and moving into a healthy, functioning ward and neighborhood, and the result has been has pretty intense this time around.

Today, as I was grappling with these feelings of not being needed, I had the thought, "This is a very normal, human feeling."

Then came the thought, "This could totally be warped into something incredibly unhealthy."

I kind of laughed at that thought, but then I realized how true it was. My need to be needed was about me. If someone had asked for babysitting or a meal, I would have swam across the ocean to make it happen, but I would have done it for my sake just as much as theirs. I would have done it to prove to myself that I was useful. And yeah, the occasional service like that is fine, but what happens when you sacrifice your physical or mental health to satiate your appetite to be needed? What happens when you limit the growth of those around you by not letting them learn how to fulfill their own needs?

Obviously, there is need all over the world. And there is probably even someone within a mile of you who needs something you can offer. But sometimes, much as you'd like, you can't be the one to fulfill those needs. And. That's. Okay.

We are not defined by how much we are needed. If God thinks we are full of worth no matter our age, income, intelligence, abilities, health, or any other attribute, then we should think so too. Our worth is found not in our ability to serve in the ways we want but rather in His love for us. And as we focus less on our insecurities and more on our love for Him, we will be able to see that, because of Him, we are enough. No matter how inadequate our efforts may be, He will always nourish His children.