Note: this post is part of my annual Holy Week posts.
April is National Poetry Month, but so far it looks mostly like National Mary Oliver Month. I've seen this poem several times in various places.
Now, when I first saw that a few years ago, I sort of rolled my eyes at the first line. You do not have to be good? That sounds like a mantra someone would pull out when they wanted to avoid being a decent person in the name of "self care." "Oh, I don't feel like feeding my children. And remember, I do not have to be good." "Oh, I don't want to do my share of work. Someone else who doesn't need chocolate and a bubble bath right now can take it on. Remember, I do not have to be good."
There are just plain things where we have to be good. We have to be good right now at washing our hands. We have to be good at protecting each other from illness. And really, when we drive, we ought to be good at using our blinkers.
So why is this poem resonating with so many people right now?
I think it's because there is still so much we don't have to be good at. Really. This is a time to give our families, our children, and ourselves a lot of grace.
We do not have to be good at filling the days with wholesome activities. We do not have to be good at getting our kids to do online school. We do not have to be good at creating online content for everyone to enjoy. We do not have to walk for a hundred miles repenting of our lack of stamina when it comes to projects. We do not have to feel guilty for not making it outside every day.
We only have to love. That is the only thing we have to do.
And even when we're not in quarantine, we don't necessarily have to be "good" the way another person is. I have really liked the idea of core values (see here and here for some good explanations of them). I sometimes find myself comparing myself to others. She never lets clutter pile up! She knows how to take nice pictures of her kids! She is so much more consistent in her routines! She volunteers all the time at the school!
And then comes an awkward moment. There are places in the house where I don't care about clutter. I have never bothered to learn how to take nice pictures, but I somehow have still ended up with hundreds of accidentally decent ones. And I value consistency for the sake of my kids, but I like dropping everything and going to the park with them too (not during quarantine, of course). And of course, although I could still go in and volunteer several times a week, there are plenty of other moms who do that who don't have lots of little kids right now. Right now it's more important for me to spend time with my little kids and focus on music rather than volunteering when I'm not with them.
So I am comparing myself to others based on their core values, not mine. The test is totally different! I don't need to be aligned with someone else's values, just as they don't need to be aligned with mine! (Although, of course, everyone should be aligned with the value of remembering my birthday because if I have 400 birthdays memorized then they can fit my birthday in their brains too!) The real test for me is based on my own core values. Am I assuming the best in people even when my feelings are hurt? Am I paying as much attention to my kids' physical and emotional needs as I am to the news? If I stay in bed after a hard night with the baby, is there a point where I am no longer staying in because I'm tired but rather because I don't want to help get breakfast for the kids? These are questions my own conscience knows the answer to. I know when I have shifted away from what I know is right. And I know how to shift back to be in line with my core values -- to let the soft animal of my body love what it loves. To take a deep breath, drop all my excuses into the prairies and deep trees, and return to where I belong.
You do not have to be good. And, if Jesus is to believed in the story of the rich young man, there is none good but one, God. So the purpose of this life can't be to acquire as many core values as possible and try to be good in as many ways as possible.
No, I think the purpose is just to learn how to love. And maybe that isn't any easier than trying to be good. Maybe learning to love is much bigger than being an empathetic listener or cheerful giver. Maybe it is a kind of compassion that is much bigger than anything we ourselves can offer on our own.
But that is why we, like Jacob, are redeemed "because of the righteousness of Thy Redeemer." It is in His arms, His love, His goodness, where we find ourselves centered. It is in Him that our core values are good enough, incomplete though they might be. It is in Him where we find our place in the family of things.
And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God. (Mark 10:18)
April is National Poetry Month, but so far it looks mostly like National Mary Oliver Month. I've seen this poem several times in various places.
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Now, when I first saw that a few years ago, I sort of rolled my eyes at the first line. You do not have to be good? That sounds like a mantra someone would pull out when they wanted to avoid being a decent person in the name of "self care." "Oh, I don't feel like feeding my children. And remember, I do not have to be good." "Oh, I don't want to do my share of work. Someone else who doesn't need chocolate and a bubble bath right now can take it on. Remember, I do not have to be good."
There are just plain things where we have to be good. We have to be good right now at washing our hands. We have to be good at protecting each other from illness. And really, when we drive, we ought to be good at using our blinkers.
So why is this poem resonating with so many people right now?
I think it's because there is still so much we don't have to be good at. Really. This is a time to give our families, our children, and ourselves a lot of grace.
We do not have to be good at filling the days with wholesome activities. We do not have to be good at getting our kids to do online school. We do not have to be good at creating online content for everyone to enjoy. We do not have to walk for a hundred miles repenting of our lack of stamina when it comes to projects. We do not have to feel guilty for not making it outside every day.
We only have to love. That is the only thing we have to do.
And even when we're not in quarantine, we don't necessarily have to be "good" the way another person is. I have really liked the idea of core values (see here and here for some good explanations of them). I sometimes find myself comparing myself to others. She never lets clutter pile up! She knows how to take nice pictures of her kids! She is so much more consistent in her routines! She volunteers all the time at the school!
And then comes an awkward moment. There are places in the house where I don't care about clutter. I have never bothered to learn how to take nice pictures, but I somehow have still ended up with hundreds of accidentally decent ones. And I value consistency for the sake of my kids, but I like dropping everything and going to the park with them too (not during quarantine, of course). And of course, although I could still go in and volunteer several times a week, there are plenty of other moms who do that who don't have lots of little kids right now. Right now it's more important for me to spend time with my little kids and focus on music rather than volunteering when I'm not with them.
So I am comparing myself to others based on their core values, not mine. The test is totally different! I don't need to be aligned with someone else's values, just as they don't need to be aligned with mine! (Although, of course, everyone should be aligned with the value of remembering my birthday because if I have 400 birthdays memorized then they can fit my birthday in their brains too!) The real test for me is based on my own core values. Am I assuming the best in people even when my feelings are hurt? Am I paying as much attention to my kids' physical and emotional needs as I am to the news? If I stay in bed after a hard night with the baby, is there a point where I am no longer staying in because I'm tired but rather because I don't want to help get breakfast for the kids? These are questions my own conscience knows the answer to. I know when I have shifted away from what I know is right. And I know how to shift back to be in line with my core values -- to let the soft animal of my body love what it loves. To take a deep breath, drop all my excuses into the prairies and deep trees, and return to where I belong.
You do not have to be good. And, if Jesus is to believed in the story of the rich young man, there is none good but one, God. So the purpose of this life can't be to acquire as many core values as possible and try to be good in as many ways as possible.
No, I think the purpose is just to learn how to love. And maybe that isn't any easier than trying to be good. Maybe learning to love is much bigger than being an empathetic listener or cheerful giver. Maybe it is a kind of compassion that is much bigger than anything we ourselves can offer on our own.
But that is why we, like Jacob, are redeemed "because of the righteousness of Thy Redeemer." It is in His arms, His love, His goodness, where we find ourselves centered. It is in Him that our core values are good enough, incomplete though they might be. It is in Him where we find our place in the family of things.
So good.
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