This morning, I woke up to the news that the Logan Tabernacle would be closed in 2021 for renovation.
When I drove past it yesterday I suddenly remembered that if not for the pandemic I would have performed there that very day. But instead, my tabernacle performance would have to be put off til next year.
Or, as the article reminded me, in a few years after the renovation is done.
When it comes to music, I can take rejection and missed opportunities pretty hard. I feel like life is so crazy with young kids that I have to choose my endeavors very carefully. So once I put effort into something I get pretty emotionally invested in it.
At least, that's how I have been. But after reading Big Magic I wonder if I should approach things differently. After all, what's the point in creating and performing if most of it makes me sad? There's already plenty of suffering the world and I don't need to add more suffering by feeling upset about being underappreciated.
No, as the poet Jack Gilbert says, if we choose to be creative, we should do it because of stubborn gladness. He told his students they must live their most creative lives as a means of fighting back against the ruthless furnace of the world."
So if we're fighting back against the ruthless furnace of the world, we should probably plan on being creative in ways which directly help the world, right?
That's not what Liz Gilbert suggested. She counseled against it, actually, warning that there's nothing that takes the fun out of something faster than feeling obligated to do it.
As I thought about it, I realized she was actually on to something. Take this blog for instance. I actually work painstakingly hard on almost everything I write here. And on average, I get 4 views per post. Four measly views. It's a lot of work and not much to show for it!
But do you know what? I still love it! I still love turning my life into a bit of a story! I love writing down my thoughts, even if some of them get relegated to the drafts folder (looking at you, last night's project about D&C 50). And I love reading what I've written! I really, really love it!
I wasn't always this way. I was frustrated that more people weren't reading what I was writing. I knew my blog design wasn't the snazziest. I knew that I wasn't doing much to promote myself. I knew what I wrote was a hodgepodge of videos and life events with a bit of angst thrown in.
But still, I wanted people to read it! I wanted people to acknowledge my hard work and learn from my soul searching!
Now, though? I realize that's unrealistic and unhealthy. After a few years where blogs seemed to be important, now people seem inexplicably drawn to videos and podcasts, just like they have always been drawn to TV and the radio. I don't understand it. I like things to be quiet. But I don't expect people to be readers anymore.
The same goes for music. I have invested quite a bit of time and money into making well-crafted arrangements of classical hymns in the style of LDS composers. Each measure has been looked at over and over and practiced over and over.
And, at the end of the day, it's always going to be a niche market. What I write is too hard for most people. Many music chairs wouldn't find it suitable for Sacrament Meeting. And people who can play music at this level often compose their own arrangements anyway.
So why do it? Because it's fun! Because there would be some mornings when I felt gloomy as I dropped my kids off at my mom's when I went to piano lessons and left feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. And that's reason enough.
Stubborn gladness. Even in the face of cancellations and rejections.
That's my goal from now on.
When I drove past it yesterday I suddenly remembered that if not for the pandemic I would have performed there that very day. But instead, my tabernacle performance would have to be put off til next year.
Or, as the article reminded me, in a few years after the renovation is done.
When it comes to music, I can take rejection and missed opportunities pretty hard. I feel like life is so crazy with young kids that I have to choose my endeavors very carefully. So once I put effort into something I get pretty emotionally invested in it.
At least, that's how I have been. But after reading Big Magic I wonder if I should approach things differently. After all, what's the point in creating and performing if most of it makes me sad? There's already plenty of suffering the world and I don't need to add more suffering by feeling upset about being underappreciated.
No, as the poet Jack Gilbert says, if we choose to be creative, we should do it because of stubborn gladness. He told his students they must live their most creative lives as a means of fighting back against the ruthless furnace of the world."
That's not what Liz Gilbert suggested. She counseled against it, actually, warning that there's nothing that takes the fun out of something faster than feeling obligated to do it.
As I thought about it, I realized she was actually on to something. Take this blog for instance. I actually work painstakingly hard on almost everything I write here. And on average, I get 4 views per post. Four measly views. It's a lot of work and not much to show for it!
But do you know what? I still love it! I still love turning my life into a bit of a story! I love writing down my thoughts, even if some of them get relegated to the drafts folder (looking at you, last night's project about D&C 50). And I love reading what I've written! I really, really love it!
I wasn't always this way. I was frustrated that more people weren't reading what I was writing. I knew my blog design wasn't the snazziest. I knew that I wasn't doing much to promote myself. I knew what I wrote was a hodgepodge of videos and life events with a bit of angst thrown in.
But still, I wanted people to read it! I wanted people to acknowledge my hard work and learn from my soul searching!
Now, though? I realize that's unrealistic and unhealthy. After a few years where blogs seemed to be important, now people seem inexplicably drawn to videos and podcasts, just like they have always been drawn to TV and the radio. I don't understand it. I like things to be quiet. But I don't expect people to be readers anymore.
The same goes for music. I have invested quite a bit of time and money into making well-crafted arrangements of classical hymns in the style of LDS composers. Each measure has been looked at over and over and practiced over and over.
And, at the end of the day, it's always going to be a niche market. What I write is too hard for most people. Many music chairs wouldn't find it suitable for Sacrament Meeting. And people who can play music at this level often compose their own arrangements anyway.
So why do it? Because it's fun! Because there would be some mornings when I felt gloomy as I dropped my kids off at my mom's when I went to piano lessons and left feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. And that's reason enough.
Stubborn gladness. Even in the face of cancellations and rejections.
That's my goal from now on.
Happy to be one of your readers. It keeps my old brain active and gives this Grandma righteous pride. Now there is a subject for you. Is there any such thing?
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