Our house is almost done! Weather permitting, we should be moving in on Saturday. It will be really exciting to live somewhere new and beautiful. But almost as exciting will be having access to my maternity box. When we moved in we packed a lot of boxes in the shed. For some reason, that one has been hidden so well that there's been no way to access it.
For a while, of course, that was fine. But as the weeks progressed, I was getting more and more desperate, resorting to keeping jeans together with hair elastics when I went out in public.
So the last time we went to DI I tried on some $4 maternity jeans. Compared to the nausea inducing tightness of my usual jeans, these felt like freedom and pure bliss. I bought them without a second thought.
But it was the same story as always. These maternity pants were still invented by the devil.
Come to think of it, they're probably what everyone is assigned to wear in realms where the devil has power. Welcome to Spirit Prison or hell or the bad place. Here are your maternity jeans.
You check them to see if they are covered in spikes or flesh eating worms or something. Doesn't look like it. How bad can they be?
And then you figure it out. Only someone who already was okay enough with months of discomfort to be pregnant would subject themselves to these. Come to think of it, that's usually how people find out I'm pregnant. Not the bump. After all, people can have bumps without being pregnant, and it's totally normal and fine. How can they tell I'm pregnant? "I knew when I saw your pants."
You quickly learn that the beautiful elastic panel is just a cruel joke that means your pants can't actually stay up without you constantly tugging on them. Super classy.
It's not like all elastic waistbands are like this. Leggings usually feel okay except for when you look in the mirror and immediately decide you have to find a skirt that still fits you. Sweat pants manage to feel comfortable for most of the 9 months of pregnancy (and hopefully you don't stretch them out).
But sometimes the only comfortable clothes you have are dirty, so you have no choice but to wear maternity jeans to parent teacher conferences. (You might be asking why I didn't buy other maternity clothes that time at DI. I'm asking that too right now.)
And even other maternity pants aren't as sadistic as the jeans. Plenty of maternity shorts feel just fine. Some maternity slacks are bearable. But those maternity jeans are just made to make you feel miserable.
Anyway, I'm still pretty excited for that box of maternity clothes we'll dig out this weekend. But mostly I'm excited for the maternity dresses and skirts and shirts and shorts in there.
As for the maternity jeans in the box? I think this sums up how I feel about them.
For a while, of course, that was fine. But as the weeks progressed, I was getting more and more desperate, resorting to keeping jeans together with hair elastics when I went out in public.
So the last time we went to DI I tried on some $4 maternity jeans. Compared to the nausea inducing tightness of my usual jeans, these felt like freedom and pure bliss. I bought them without a second thought.
But it was the same story as always. These maternity pants were still invented by the devil.
Come to think of it, they're probably what everyone is assigned to wear in realms where the devil has power. Welcome to Spirit Prison or hell or the bad place. Here are your maternity jeans.
You check them to see if they are covered in spikes or flesh eating worms or something. Doesn't look like it. How bad can they be?
And then you figure it out. Only someone who already was okay enough with months of discomfort to be pregnant would subject themselves to these. Come to think of it, that's usually how people find out I'm pregnant. Not the bump. After all, people can have bumps without being pregnant, and it's totally normal and fine. How can they tell I'm pregnant? "I knew when I saw your pants."
You quickly learn that the beautiful elastic panel is just a cruel joke that means your pants can't actually stay up without you constantly tugging on them. Super classy.
 |
| The day Dick Van Dyke tried on maternity jeans |
It's not like all elastic waistbands are like this. Leggings usually feel okay except for when you look in the mirror and immediately decide you have to find a skirt that still fits you. Sweat pants manage to feel comfortable for most of the 9 months of pregnancy (and hopefully you don't stretch them out).
But sometimes the only comfortable clothes you have are dirty, so you have no choice but to wear maternity jeans to parent teacher conferences. (You might be asking why I didn't buy other maternity clothes that time at DI. I'm asking that too right now.)
And even other maternity pants aren't as sadistic as the jeans. Plenty of maternity shorts feel just fine. Some maternity slacks are bearable. But those maternity jeans are just made to make you feel miserable.
Anyway, I'm still pretty excited for that box of maternity clothes we'll dig out this weekend. But mostly I'm excited for the maternity dresses and skirts and shirts and shorts in there.
As for the maternity jeans in the box? I think this sums up how I feel about them.
catching up. how can I subscribe so I don't have to remember to visit the site?
ReplyDeletelolol
ReplyDelete